Welcome One and All!

           

Welcome to my new and freshly updated blog!  It’s finally here! Introductions all ‘round.. 

A Colorado girl by birth, and now an LA girl for life, I spend my life telling stories, living life with friends, and cooking for pretty much everyone.   And this is going to be my forum for new thoughts, new ideas, and new stories… Come hang out for a while – and enjoy! it may be a little on the raw side, a little more on the unfinished end of the spectrum.  But it’s me.  

The more important question is – who are you? Let me know you were here! 

 

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The D Word

“It’s not an option for us.  Di- you know what?  I don’t even want to say the word.”  

Thus began my introduction to a fact of life that was never mentioned in my childhood. And that’s also where it ended.  

And – perhaps unintentionally – it became something to be terrified of.  It became something so horrible, so awful that it wasn’t even whispered about, let alone openly discussed.  I was afraid.  There was so much power in a single word that it could upend a family without any further notice, a dark curse of sorts that could be barely spoken, lest the mere mention of it cause any nearby happy marriages to crumble instantly. Without cause. 

Divorce.  

But here’s the thing. 

There is an incredible amount of power in the words that we say and think and write.  Imagine for just a moment, the last time someone looked you in the eye and said, “I think you are amazing.”  Three seconds of your day that somehow become the most powerful moment in your entire week.  All because someone took the time to actually speak words of life and encouragement and joy.  Or, imagine the last time someone looked at you and called you stupid. An idiot. Worthless.  Hopeless.  Chances are, that moment came years (not days) ago, and you can still remember the color of your shoes from that moment in time.  It’s branded on your brain and in your heart, and it looks like it may live there forever.  

My moment like that came when I was five and someone looked at me and said Don’t talk about yourself, Lynn.  No one wants to hear about you anyway.  Try becoming a writer – a person who openly shares my stories and my heart with the world – after that one.  

But there’s also an incredible amount of power in the words that we don’t speak.  

There’s a monster under my bed.  Mom and Dad might get a divorce. I might get a divorce.  My best friend is going to forget about me.  I am afraid.  Of failure.  Of heights.  Of snakes.  Of speaking in front of people. Of roller coasters. Of zombies. Of being broken.  I am not enough.  He won’t love me.  I’ll never make it.  

When we bury those words deep inside of us, because we’re ashamed of them or afraid of them or disgusted by them, they have nothing else to do but take root there.  So, as my husband always tells me when I’m frustrated – use your words.  I’m learning to talk about what I’m really afraid of.  I’m learning to talk about the lies I’ve believed.  Because, when it all comes down to it, saying things out loud somehow makes them less scary. That’s the funny thing about words – there is always power there.  Power to bring life. Power to bring death.  

But it’s up to us to decide how we use those words.  So, go – speak life and joy and hope wherever you walk.  Talk about your fears openly.  When you share them with others, they’ll dissipate enough that you can begin to move freely and think around them.  They can’t stay overwhelming anymore.  

I love my husband more than I could ever fully express.  We might fall apart along the way. We might be that ridiculously mushy couple who still holds hands at 100 years old. But you don’t avoid falling off a cliff by pretending that it doesn’t exist.  That sounds like a perfect recipe for accidentally driving off said cliff and plummeting to your death.  You avoid falling off a cliff – falling into the very thing you’ve been so afraid of – by looking directly at it, acknowledging its existence, and moving on. Moving away. There’s an enormous amount of freedom in that. 

My name is Lynn.  I’m afraid that I’m going to get a divorce one day.  I’m afraid that I will be forgotten and passed over by the ones I love.  I’m afraid of totaling another car.   But you know what? That day is not today. 

Next? 


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Les Miserables – the reason I love and adore this movie…

Bishop: Now don’t forget, don’t ever forget – you’ve promised to become a new man.
Jean Valjean: Promise? Why are you doing this?
Bishop: Jean Valjean, my brother, you no longer belong to evil. With this silver, I have bought your soul. I’ve ransomed you from fear and hatred, and now I give you back to God.

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I Hope They See God…

I heard this recently, and I can’t stop thinking about it.

A teacher told her five year old students to draw something and then be ready to talk about it.  As she walked through the classroom, she stopped to ask one of the girls what she was drawing.  

“I’m drawing God,” came the reply. 

“But no one knows what God looks like,” the teacher said. 

The girl took a moment before responding. 

“They will in a minute.” 

Oh, the power of art and creativity and never being afraid… 

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Madeleine L’Engle Says it Best…

“But I was frightened, and I tried to heal my fear with stories, stories which gave me courage, stories which affirmed that ultimately love is stronger than hate.  If love is stronger than hate, then war is not all there is. I wrote and I illustrated my stories.  And so story helped me learn to live.  Story was in no way an evasion of life, but a way of living life creatively instead of fearfully.”

I reread Madeleine L’Engle’s book Walking on Water at least once a year.  Her graceful encouragements are breathtaking, and somehow I always manage to reread it at the exact moment I need a little something extra.  

Life is ugly sometimes.  It’s imperfect.  Broken.  Screwed up.  Sometimes, everything can seem one way and be completely another.  Sometimes, everything you can believe can get stripped away piece by piece until there really isn’t very much to hold onto anymore.  You and me forever, right?  Until it’s not.  I’ll always be here for you.  Until they can’t be.  He will always be safe. You will grow old together. Until you move thousands of miles apart from each other.  Make thousands of right choices, and no matter what, you will land on your feet. Until a hundred right choices down the road, something still goes off the rails and your choices are taken away from you.  

With every blog I’ve had, I’ve tried very hard to create full, entirely thought-out posts.  I like answers.  Everyone likes answers, so I’ve always tried to put them into my more in-depth, personal blogs.  But there’s something that feels slightly disingenuous there.  The truth is, I don’t always have the answers, and I think it’s been holding me back as I’ve written.  Sometimes, part of the process of sorting out the ups and downs and sideways of life is just writing it all out, letting the chips fall there they may, and ending with a massive question mark.  Life is a beautiful thing, and I think questions make it all the more rich and full.  I don’t always know exactly what to say. 

In the meantime, I’d love to hear your thoughts, from all the far-flung places where you’re reading my words.  You are not alone. We are not alone. The journey was always meant to be lived together.  

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